To one who waits, all things reveal themselves so long as you have the courage not to deny in the darkness what you have seen in the light.
– Coventry Patmore
I was thinking last night about why I am writing my thoughts out like this almost every day. I decided that I live so much in my head that getting words out, even if they are only on digital paper, helps me to think about what goes on in my head and spirit. It helps me solidify my beliefs about everything. If it just stays in my brain then the benefit of seeing words in print, reading them and pondering them is lost. They just stay a jumbled up bunch of phrases and words, never coalescing into a complete thoughts. Sometimes I think about things for months before ever revealing them to outside me. Once I get them outside they seem more real and more revealing than they ever were bouncing around inside.
I used to do this with actual pen to paper. At one time I had more than 20 journal books but I’ve destroyed most of them because I will never go back to look at them – they’re too painful for the most part and who I was then is not who I am now. I don’t need to see how I’ve grown; it is enough to know I have.
Sometimes I don’t know what I think about something until it appears on the screen; the words appear, sentences form and a thought or opinion emerges. I think that’s how it must be for most people who write or journal or keep diaries. We have an inkling of how we think we feel but not really until it emerges for the world (however small or large it may be) to see.
For instance, maybe we don’t realize that we still carry a resentment from years ago until we see it manifested before us. Once released from the subconscious into the conscious part of the brain, this is where God steps in and, if we allow Him, He gives us an epiphany and we see why we act the way we do around particular triggers. And, with that exposure, we can begin to heal and move on to the next one.
With that in mind I see that it is imperative for me to sit down as often as I can and purge my unconscious that I may continue to grow and heal along this spiritual journey.