What is our resistance? What has God done to us that we should reject Him so entirely?
What has been His crime that we do not allow the all-empowering force of the universe
to help us or even gives us comfort? Each of us answers this question for ourselves,
as we examine why we avoid the use of the eagle’s wings that have been given to us,
yet struggle so hard to get the sparrow to lend us his.
Marianne Williamson, Illuminata
What is my resistance to God? Why do I not let His All-empowering force to help me or comfort me? Why do I reject Him and His Love for me? Why, why, why?
As Ms Williamson has said, each person must answer these questions for themselves. In my early spiritual life I came to reject God outright because He didn’t move the world for me the way the preachers had promised. Instead of relying on learning about Him through my own experiences, I listened to the words of learned men and women who said ‘God is this’ and ‘God is that’ and ‘God will do this if you only do that’ – not knowing I was being sold a bill of goods that didn’t exist. I was naïve in my beliefs and young in my faith but God showed me great Mercy and Love, even when I told Him how much I hated Him.
In time, and in my own experience with God I learned that man has put God in a confining box and not only expects, but demands God to act in a specific way; to do and to have done acts in ways only we can accept and understand. I came to understand that God is not finite. He is not able to fit inside of a box let alone work inside it. But that took time and experience for me to learn.
As I have grown spiritually through the years I am coming to the realization that I have only begun to tap the surface of God’s Majesty. And yet I still resist Him. I no long reject Him entirely, but I do reject Him in pieces; with things I know in my heart of hearts I need to do but refuse to do them. The things God has spoken to my heart to do that I want to do – no problem, easy peasy.
Oh, but the things I don’t want to do – like let go of grudges and past hurts and anger and to forgive those who have wronged me or hurt me or damaged me. And not just lip-service forgiveness, but true, into the very fiber of my being and the nucleus of the atom of every cell, forgive my enemies. That is not easy-peasy. That is not something I want to do but I know I must. Because God has forgiven me all of my myriad of mistakes and errors and grievous ways – because He has shown me Unconditional Love, so too, must I love unconditionally.
In refusing to do what God would have me do, I am rejecting his All-Empowering Help and Strength. I am rejecting His Love and His Comfort for me.
Even after all these years, I still reject Him.
And yet, He Loves me still.
That is something I will never understand.
And will probably always have difficulty accepting.
Jewish Cemetary Angel by The Art if Saddness