Be gentle and patient with those of us who, like Paul, have grown weary of our present bodies.
For the suffering of this life—whether physical, emotional, or mental—
forcefully pushes us heavenward like nothing else.
Joyce Landorf, Silent September

Sometimes I’m just plain sick and tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of depression. Tired of pain. Tired of working on my soul. Tired of being nice to people who are mean to me. Tired of everything and I long to go Home to be with the One who loves me and holds me and comforts me. Sometimes I want to hurry the process along.

I remember my grandmother saying in her last years or so (she was 95 when she went Home) she didn’t know why God was keeping her around for so long. She had outlived all of her siblings, husband, one child, two grandchildren and many, many friends. She was tired of her present life. She was weary.

Even though I, too, am weary at times, I also believe that I will not go Home one nanosecond sooner than God calls me – unless I do so at my own hand. He intervened once before on my behalf; I don’t know if He would do it again. No one can end my life without God’s permission. Not all the evilness in the world can dispatch my soul and spirit unless God allows it. I am a child of God, a part of this world yet separate from it.

This doesn’t give me license to live recklessly, but it does bring comfort that though bad things have happened to me and may be a part of my future I will not perish from them accidently. Unbeknownst to me, my life has a purpose on this green earth and when my purpose is fulfilled I will go Home.

I live and die by that belief. So when I am weary of this present body, this present life, I need to cling even harder to the hem of His garment that I might gain strength and love by His Presence.

abandonned c

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