Grief should be like joy: majestic, sedate, confirming, cleansing, equable, making free, strong enough to consume small troubles, to command great thoughts, thoughts lasting to the end.
– Irish poet, Aubrey Thomas DeVere
Throughout a grieving process it is important to push through or meander through but just get through. Only then will you learn what you think of grief; how you feel grief and how your community addresses grief.
Some people and families want to hide grief; they don’t want to feel the sorrow, the pain that accompanies grief. And in doing that they get stuck. They are mired in the pain but they don’t know it. They are weighed down with such a heavy burden and yet unaware. They go through their lives laughing and smiling and having fun but inside they are dying. Inside their heart cries out for relief from the pain of unreleased grief. And in that pain they unconsciously build walls around themselves and refuse to let true emotion, true feeling, true love and compassion in and instead take in the garbage compassion and love proffered by other injured people who don’t care about themselves nor about the one they’re with.
On the other hand, there are some people or families who are openly grieving and at first it seems like the right thing to do, mourning their loss, openly weeping tears of grief and pain. And then you realize it has been so many years and still they cry and weep and have not moved on. They are stuck in their grief and have become – either consciously or not – martyrs.
The point is that in grieving it is important to not get stuck. Denying your pain or refusing to move on from your pain are equally destructive. You learn to walk through the pain. You learn that it is okay to feel like you will never smile again, because one day you will. You learn it is okay to love again even if it means your heart will be broken again. You learn to lean on God on the way through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. And you will find yourself on the other side of grief, a stronger, healthier, more vibrant you.
You can go through it – if you but reach out your hand and grasp His. And if you aren’t able to quite reach His Hand, just touch the hem of His garment and all will be well.