I circled back to these patterns of thinking just as I circled back to the stale thoughts of what I was not. It was an old habit. Each time I revisited this way of thinking and seeing, I discovered new layers of false understandings of God. God’s love, to me, still stopped short when we fell short. He was a loving Father – to a point – but when I failed him consistently, God seemed to me to be a middle-age man, tired of my failure, exasperated by what I wasn’t, and too stretched to extend grace.
Somehow God helped me reach up into His heart and speak what I saw and felt there. As I spoke the words, my mind raced with thoughts. Is this really how God sees a heart? Can God change my perspective in an instant? But the power of the words I released lifted my eyes to the God who delivered them. God’s Father-love came in, when I spoke it out. I learned it as I said it. Delight and life from a tongue can change a soul.
Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sara Hagerty