I was going to ask why I have been chasing You all my life –
But then I realized I’ve been running away from You.
It’s a paradox this game of tag I play –
Running to find You, then running away –
Running to find You again, then running away again –
And again, and again, and again, ad infinitum.
Why this is I don’t know.
In some ways I wish I were made differently –
But then I realized You made me as I am –
And to wish differently is to denigrate Your creation of me.
Why do I believe in my heart of hearts –
My soul of souls –
That You are present in my life –
And yet still have doubts?
It makes no sense to me.
Always seeking –
Always running –
Never settled –
Never fully embracing You.
Kind and Loving God –
Have mercy upon my wandering ways –
Be as a shepherd and gently guide me back to You
Each time I stray –
Help me to finally settle into Your loving embrace –
Help me to stop running from You –
Always running toward You—
I believe, Lord my God, —
But help my unbelief.