My birthday is coming in March. I don’t know how old I will be. What I mean is I have to figure it out. (current year – birth year = age) I just don’t keep my chronological age in my head. If anything, I always estimate a higher age than I actually am. Is that weird?
I suppose when I was a kid I kept up with how old I was; but as I have grown my age has become a nonsubject for me. When I do figure out my age I am always surprised because I don’t feel 50-something. What does 50-something feel like? What is it supposed to feel like?
Every once in a while, thoughts of getting old and dying do creep into my head and heart. I try not to dwell on them because I don’t want my chronic depression to flare up and try to defeat me. When such thoughts do enter, I work to remind myself that there is nothing to fear in growing old(er) and/or dying.
Death, of course, is the last, great unknown. It can be fearful and I have to remind myself that the God of all creation, which includes death, is with me no matter what path I trod.
I’m thinking about these things because in my devotional reading today the author was musing on the ‘autumn’ of her life. “Initially this made me feel sad, as I sometimes fear the passing of time and the thought of death. The reality is that most of my life is behind me now.” (Upper Room, Nov-Dec, 2016)
All of us fear the autumn of our life. It can be very sad and depressing to realize our time on this earth is short. Maybe that sadness comes from regrets in making decisions, or not enough time to complete that bucket list, or the possibility of leaving our loved ones behind.
As a child of God, as a daughter of the Eternal Father, I need to lean into Him during this time. I wouldn’t be human if I weren’t afraid of the unknown. But if I let fear overwhelm and distract me from life then I’ve lost my way and wandered off the path of God.
God is my refuge, my safe place in a storm – even if that storm involves dying and death. I need only to reach out to Him and allow Him to hold and comfort me until the storm passes.
There is no autumn of life in God.
There is abundant life in God. No matter what age, young, old and everything in between, abundance and purposefulness is found in God. Age doesn’t matter to Him because He is ageless. He is the same God who was with us at conception, at 5 years old, 35 years old, 95 years old and Who will be with us when we die and go to Him. He is ever present, always the same, unchanging, and the source of all light, life and love.
Do not fear birthdays or growing older. There is no aging in God and with God. Lean on Him and allow your worries to slip away as His love permeates your heart and mind.
[God] has made everything beautiful in its time. –Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV)