There was a huge number of people – men, women, families – who followed Jesus around because of the healing miracles He performed on the sick.
Jesus and his disciples sat down on the side of a hill and when He saw the large number of followers He was moved with compassion for them.
Jesus asked Phillip, “Where will we be able to buy enough bread to feed all these people?”
Jesus already knew what He was going to do but He wanted to see how Phillip would respond.
Phillip said, “All we have is 200 denari which is not enough to buy bread to feed all these people, even if we give them a small amount.”
Another disciple, Andrew, pointed out that there was a young man who had 5 loaves and 2 fishes he would share. “But what are they among so many?” Andrew asked Jesus.
So Jesus told the disciples to have the people sit down on the grass.
He then took the 5 loaves and 2 fishes, blessed them and gave thanks to God for them. He told the disciples to spread the food amongst the crowd, allowing to take as much as they wanted.
After they had eaten, Jesus said to the disciples “Pick up all the leftovers.” And they picked up 12 baskets full of the leftover food.

John 6:1-13, interpretation by Sabina, after the NKJV

 

The point of this story – at least one point – is that when I look at problems from a human point of view I am overwhelmed and easily defeated. I have limited vision and limited possibilities with which to accomplish the impossible.

But if I lift my eyes off myself and up to God then all impossibilities become possible.

When something goes wrong in my life I immediately shift into “How can I fix this” mode. I often spend a lot of time spinning my wheels trying to figure out what to do and how to fix whatever is wrong. Only as a last resort – when I’ve run out of my own options – do I seek God’s help. And somehow, I think I have the whole thing backwards.

Like Phillip I don’t generally respond automatically with faith but instead, I respond with buckets of doubt.

But I take comfort in the fact that God knows this and understands why I do it and does not condemn me for this all too-human fault.

Perhaps one day – through much trial and error – I will learn to call upon God first and say,

God,
I believe in Your ability to solve this problem.
I trust in You and not in myself.
Open my eyes that I may see all of Your possibility
And not be limited by my meager possibility.
I desire Your vision, Lord, and not my own.
Let my first instinct be to call upon You, to look to You,
to listen to You and to find You in the situation.

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