Is all well with my soul?

[Horatio] Spafford was one of many people—authors, pastors, poets—lined up across my timeline whose stories carried the scent of an alluring, an intimacy with God beyond circumstances. Each breathed a connection to a God who was foreign to me but resonated with something deep inside me. It was as if I were an adopted child meeting a biological sibling who introduced me to our Father for the first time. He was familiar, we were connected, yet I didn’t know Him like they did. I wanted to have the deep  parts of me find the deep parts of Him.   Pg 72

God comes in the mundane and shifts us, slightly and subtly. Suddenly and slowly, it is following Him in the unseen that feels most normal.  Pg 73  Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sara Hagerty

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What is this hunger God has stirred in me? Is it to be free from doubt, from fear, from distrust of Him Who Created me?  Yes, it is all that and more – much, much more. This is a hunger, a desire, that goes so deep into my being that I weep for the pain of it, for the loneliness of it, for the overwhelming nature of it. It is a hunger I am only beginning to understand is God-created and therefore the only thing that will satiate it is God.

Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak; O Lord; heal me; for my bones are vexed.
My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O Lord, how long? …
I am weary with my groaning; all the night I make my bed to swim; I water my couch  with my tears.
Psalm 6:2, 3, 6 – KJV

Worry and the Timeless One

God made time. For Him, it is a “very little thing” to add an hour to our lives. He’s just not subject to the same temporal constraints that so yoke and choke us. For God, a day is as a thousand years, or a thousand years is as a day. No big deal.

If we are really connected with this One who lives beyond time, we have a real choice in how we live in it. We can focus on the worries, burdens, and fears of our own limited experience and miss the joy that could be ours . . . or we can take the risk, venture out, and truly believe that God is the master. He is not like us. He is absolutely sovereign over time and eternity. ~~ Ellen Vaughn, Time Peace

 031216 master of time

If I worship the One who Created time then why do I worry so much about it? Why do I worry about the future, or even today? Worry seems to be part and parcel to human existence. If I’m not worried about my health, its money or my job or my cats or my family or . . . the list goes on. We all have our own worry lists.

What would my life be like if I didn’t worry? If I were able to truly lay down those worries at the feet of God and walk away? How much happier, more joy-filled, more peaceful would I be? Would I even be able to do it? Or, will I do like I’ve always done, lay them down and give them over to God only to pick the worries back up when I get up?

I don’t even know if I know how to lay down my worries – they are so much a part of me maybe I’m afraid that if I lay them down I won’t be me anymore, that I won’t recognize who I am and maybe, maybe,  I really don’t want to stop worrying. Maybe its because I think I can figure things out for myself and secretly I think I don’t need God.

I think – no – I know – I am wrong. I do need God. Now more than ever.

And the struggle goes on…

Relax and smile, time moves on

What we do know is that God is far beyond our own experience. Eternity is more than we can comprehend. It is good to cultivate awe and wonder about such mysteries . . . because how we think about time, use time, and have peace in time—or not—depends on how we really think about God.

How big is He? Do we trust Him, really? Do we believe that He has given us “enough” time?

If we believe what we say we do—in a huge, sovereign, good God who created all things, including time, and has ordained both our days on earth and our entrance into eternity—we will not be anxious about time. We are in fact rich in it. We can enjoy God’s present. We can relax, and smile. ~ Ellen Vaughn, Time Peace

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Really? Relax and smile while my life tick-tocks away? I do believe in a huge, sovereign, good God who created all things, including time, and so on and so forth. But as I notice each day new gray hairs, less supple skin, wrinkles and dark age spots appearing it is hard to relax and smile about time passing.

It is hard to climb out of my mortal skin and into the Higher Plains of Spirit.

When I look at my hands – even as I type these words – my once beautiful hands with their long fingers, strong fingernails and smooth skin – now nails brittle, veins showing through thinning skin, age spots and wrinkles – they look old – time that passed by me without me even realizing it – makes me want to cry. And even though I believe in a Kind, Loving God who created this time that passes, I am unable to relax and smile about it.

I have never really worried about aging – until now – now when I begin to think about time. And maybe it isn’t being old – it’s the process of growing old that disturbs me. Me and a hundred million other people around the globe. I am not alone in this age thing. But it sometimes feels like I’m alone.

And when feeling alone I do try to dig deep into my marrow and remember to try to trust the One Who Loves me and Created me – even if He Created me to grow old.