My path is lost; my wandering steps do stray;
I cannot safely go, nor safely stay;
whom should I see but Thee, my Path, my Way?
–Francis Quarles (1592-1644), Why dost thou shade thy lovely face?
I am too easily discouraged on this path I walk. I let the struggles of day-to-day life get me down and sometimes I forget to pick myself up and look toward God. Sometimes I am unable to pick myself up and look toward God. Sometimes I need God to send someone to help me. Will I be willing to let them help when they arrive?
My own self-sufficiency is detrimental to my spirit and soul at times. I rely too heavily on my own survival skills to sometimes make room for God’s blessings. And, when I am actually wanting God to bless me it never happens when or how I want it. To go one step further, when God is wanting to bless me with whatever I need at the time (not what I think I need – there is a difference), am I willing to accept it or have I missed His blessing because it wasn’t what I wanted, when I wanted or how I wanted?
The immediate answer that pops into my head is “yes.” Yes, I have missed God’s blessing on my life because I wasn’t ready to receive it. I have no actual proof of this, only supposition. And faith. I am learning to understand His ways a little bit better and must continually be reminded that His timing is not my timing. God works on an eternal scale, whereas I work on a minute-by-minute, day-by-day scale.
As I walk upon my spiritual path I have to learn to trust God that He will provide what I need when I need it and not a moment before. And it is the waiting that is hard. Along with the accepting it. I wish I had a anecdote of missing God’s blessing for me because I wasn’t willing but I don’t.
All I can do continue to walk forward, stumbling over my own ego and pride, scrapping my knees on my wants and timing, and slapping at the little doubts flying around in my head and heart. Sometimes standing still also involves moving forward, but doing so with a listening and open heart.
God loves me. I know this. I feel this. I have faith in this. God wants to bless me in ways I know not. I am learning this. I do not yet fully believe it, but I will. Until then, once again, always again, I will rely on my faith in the Beauty and Love of God.