Hear, Lord, my prayer; let not my soul falter under Your discipline, nor let me falter in confessing to You all Your mercies, whereby You have drawn me out of all my most evil ways, that You might become a delight to be above all the allurements which I once pursued; that I may most entirely love You, and clasp Your hand with all my heart, and You may yet rescue from every temptation, even unto the end.~~St. Augustine of Hippo
You know, sometimes I get so tired of making the same stupid mistake. You would think I would learn after I made the same error 15 kazillion times. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But at work I have made the same type of mistake 3 times in the last year, 2 of them in the last month!! My brain tells me their just mistakes – I fixed them – but because it involves my employer’s money – they take it a lot more seriously than I do. But even I know the next mistake may cost me my job. The problem is I’ve been doing the same job for 5 years and I know it like the back of my hand and I can’t figure out why now – why am I making these mistakes?
Am I not getting enough sleep? (no) Am I bored with my job? (yes) Do I wish I was somewhere else? (yes) But that could be fully 90% of the working population! So what’s wrong with me?
Ah! here come the temptations Augustine referred to – well, not the temptations he suffered from – but the ones that bug me. The temptation to say I am no good, I am worthless, I am not smart, I am not good enough. The temptation to beat myself up and punish myself far worse than any employer ever could – and that includes losing my job.
It also means the temptation to not believe I am in God’s Hands.
I don’t know why I’m making these mistakes.
But I will pray each morning for His Guidance to help me pay attention so I won’t make them.
And I will pray each day to remember I am in His Care and nothing can happen to me that He will not allow.
And I will pray each day to remember I am in His Time, not my own.
And to remember that He will rescue me from the temptations that seek to wrest me from His Love – even unto the end.