In God’s Time

God is in all that He allows. He cares more about our character than our calendar. He allows interruptions in our plans. He allows suffering and pain. He allows awful things for which there is no explanation, humanly speaking. Our trouble times conceal lasting treasures for eternity. ~~ Ellen Vaughn

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Today I am suffering from a blow to my ego, to my character, to the person I thought myself to be. In the midst of pain and the desire to hurt myself I remembered I am in God’s time. I may be in emotional pain, but I am in God’s time. I don’t quite know what that means but it doesn’t really matter. I am in His time. Life goes on and so do I – in God’s time.

in the stream of my heart

My story is like a tangled skein, but I fear I can do no better. I write my thoughts as they come; I fish at random in the stream of my heart, and offer you all that I catch. -St. Therese of Lisieux

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Today, 6 months ago, my beloved cat, Piper died. In 3 days it will be a month since LadyBird died.

Today my sadness feels like a bottomless well.

Today my faith sustains me and reminds me all things are as they need to be.

Without the help of Grace

The Divine precepts run contrary to our natural inclinations, and without the help of grace it would be impossible to understand them, far less to put them in practice.

-St. Therese of Lisieux

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If I am to be honest – I’m a bit ticked off at God. There – I’ve said it. I’ve been feeling it but not wanted to admit it to myself but it is true. I’m angry. And although I know it is childish to say these words – it’s not fair! It’s not fair that such a sweet little dog entered my life but just over a year ago and she was taken away from me so abruptly.  It’s not fair that I got to spend so little time with her. It’s not fair that she died. If I had known, I would have held her more; I would have loved on her more; I would have taken her to work with me more. . .

This is where my faith kicks in and not my feelings. I am sad and angry and there’s a hole in my heart the size of a chihuahua named LadyBird.

My faith tells me this is the way of life and that God didn’t do this to me. My feelings say, “God is mad at me!”

My faith tells me God’s Grace will see me through this particular desert. My feelings tell me I am lost and wandering in never-ending grief.

My faith tells me that God is walking with me, carrying me and crying with me. My feelings tell me I’m alone in my sorrow.

I chose faith today, right now, in this moment. Feelings are mercurial. Faith in my God is my rock and my salvation.